Funny Headlines

Some funny headlines from MSNBC.

Is MSNBC implying hillary's a bit overweight? not very kosher....but a funny headline.
I assumed they meant to write dirty laundry in the big title..but further reading has confirmed that they meant family jewels. we can only speculate why they also didnt write family jewels in the subtitle.

BREAKING NEWS

Bush has resigned! below is a transcript of his speech...

Ok not really..but i got this via email and thought it was pretty funny.

Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans." Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil" thing. If I was trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied People Died' crap either. If I was the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor'. Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times (Slimes) , every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dammit, you might just as well Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times (Slimes) or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al , noted climatologist, carbon credit hypocrite and inventor of the internet-- Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means the smiling, vacuous nitwit (big jet) Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, **** off.

Great Global Warming Crisis Debate

Watch them in order..if you have no patience, just watch the sixth one. This guy is great.

1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6t2D74UcrY

2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz8KiA-YMt8

3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reV7bVhhcto

4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzTPPl05Wok

5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGa6_k00Cus

6
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtPDuZzfzhw

7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UERzOB2CWQg

8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD8RI0tRcNs

9
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNttO8rAJNE

10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU0BwGdeoq8

Anyone think gore may indeed run again? After this whole Inconvenient (mis)Truth BS i'm really wondering. His platform will be Global warming and the Co2 lockbox that we all have to pay into.

HillObama 2008!

The democratic primary for the upcoming 08 elections is shaping up to be a very interesting race. In their quest to convince the American people that they are truly the party of the people Democrats have managed to come up with 2 minorities to run for the presidential spot on the ticket. Barack Obama, a black man and Hillary Clinton, a woman have both announced their entry into the race. This ought to be an interesting primary..any dirt on Obama that Hillary digs up and she’ll be dubbed a racist while any dirt on Hillary that Obama digs up will make him against women. The 24 hr news stations are gonna have an orgy on this one.

Now I wouldn’t vote for or against either of them for the simple fact that they are “minorities”, and I actually view the fact that both are relatively inexperienced. This government needs some more fresh faces (and term limits while we're at it). Get in, get out. If you don’t get something done, too bad, you lost your chance. These lifetime politicians are no better than welfare mommas; forever mooching off the government teet.

As for Barack, well I truly don’t know much about him but theirs ample time for CNN and PMNBC to dissect the guy a million different ways before the election. But Hillary on the other hand, she scares the sh*t out of me. I did a quick Google search and as expected found numerous websites detailing Hillary's involvement in a number of scandals while she was first lady. Remember the FBI files they “found” in the white house? Remember the shady land deals? The sale of nuclear secrets to the Chinese? Or how about Hilary care..she wasn’t even an elected official and yet somehow she was put in charge of the biggest overhaul of the medical system in US history. Thank god it didn’t go anywhere. Say what you want about George W bush, but at least his wife knows her role. She didn’t get elected, He did. She’s just baggage…yeah it might sound cruel but so what, that's the way it is.

Do you ever get the feeling that the US is like a big ship that is slowly sinking. While most of the passengers are running around trying to save themselves, families or fix the leak, theirs two big, old, rich, fat men in the corner arguing about how fast the water is coming in, how big the whole is, when the ship will sink and what color the water is. The democrats and republicans remind me of these two old men. All the rest of us want is for the them to SHUTUP and FIX THE PROBLEM then get out of our lives!!!!

Considering Obamas age and inexperience i dont think he'll get the nomination outright. However, ponder this...a Clinton/Obama ticket in '08. Could you imagine the liberal frenzy on the left if this happened. How could they lose, a black man and a woman, they are truly the party for the everyman..as long as you’re black and or a woman. The would need extra janitors to clean up the voting booths after each democrat voted.

I guess its over...

...and the democrats have taken control of the congress. I suppose congrats are in order but to be honest i just can't bring myself to congratulate the Democrats. I have mixed feelings about this win..

On the one hand a democratically controlled congress and a Republican white house almost assuredly means gridlock in the legislature. No new regulations and rules is predictable and markets like that...i like that. But this also means that bush must start using his veto pen more. I think its somewhere underneath the coloring books.

On the other hand is there really any difference between democrats and republicans today? They both like to talk differently but at the end of the day their both their to keep their jobs. I remember when the republicans swept congress in the 90's with allot of big talk..talk of term limits, budget restraint and a whole slew of other reforms amicably entitled the contract with america. It didnt take more than a few years for republicans to get comfortable and complaicent in their power and forget all about the contract. At the end of the day republicans and democrats are one thing: Politicians.

Supposedly this election was an election about Iraq. An election showing America's desire for a change in course. Stay the course, cut and run..whatever that means i really hope that America doesn't abandon the iraqi's. That is the worst thing we could do now, regardless of how right or wrong we were 4 years ago. Two wrongs don't make a right. America really needs to learn from this though, we need to learn that we can't start a revolution from outside a coutnry, no matter how righteous the cause or how evil the dictator. Has this ever worked..is there one example in the worlds history where this worked? The bottom line is if the people living within a country aren't ready for a change and ready to make it happen..it's doomed to fail. The U.S.'s own history ought to be an example of this basic principle.

So the election is done and those wacky dem's are sitting happy on the hill...good luck Nancy and pals. But if history is any indicator....nothing of substance will change.

Vote For ME!

I just had to share this.

http://arstechnica.com/articles/culture/evoting.ars

If 1 person can figure it out, garunteed there are others. This is gonna make every year like the election of 2000. So i hereby launch my campaign..vote for me!

Matt Stone and Trey Parker...telling the future??

Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind. I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or else what?
Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.

UNITED NATIONS - The United States hopes to pass a new draft U.N. Security Council resolution on Friday to punish North Korea over its claimed nuclear test, U.S. Ambassador John Bolton said.

“I have always argued that we should talk to parties whose behavior we want to change, whose behavior we want to influence, and from that point of view I believe that ... (the) U.S. and North Korea should talk,” Annan said.

One's from the movie, one's from the news....you be the judge.

It is rather amusing though isn't it? First we'll write you a letter telling you how angry we are. Then if you don't stop, we'll right you another letter but this time, we'll STRONGLY oppose you. There's allot of talk about sanctions but for them to really work they need to include EVERYHING in and out of Korea. Even then, i don't see Kim Jong missing any meals.